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Chappell Roan Felt ‘Suicidal For Years’ While Growing Up; Recalls Feeling Desperate To Be ‘Understood’
Chappell Roan, the singer-songwriter who recently shot to fame opened up about her traumatic experiences growing up as a queer in a conservative town and handling her new found fame!
Chappell Roan walked a long and challenging path to success and self-acceptance. The Good Luck, Babe singer had to suppress her queer identity growing up, which made her suicidal for years. In an interview with the Guardian, the 26-year-old pop star opened up about her childhood experiences growing up in Missouri, where she was forced to change religion and hide her true identity.
"I pushed down the gay part of myself so deep because I was like, that can’t possibly be me," she told the outlet. That period of time was “very very very” lonely for Roan because nobody understood her. The town she grew up in subjected gays to “flamboyant” men and lesbians to “Butch girl who looks masculine.” There was a deceit of queer knowledge which made her life a living hell.
“I was very mentally ill – suicidal for years – and not medicated, because that’s just not a part of midwest culture,” she added. Rather than opting for a consultation with a psychiatrist, people would preach religion in the name of treatment. “It’s: ‘You need God. You need to pray about that.’"
After becoming a public figure and earning a name for herself, the Red Wine Supernova singer embraced her sexuality and earned success with queer-themed songs like Casual and "Good Luck, Babe! However, her professional endeavors didn’t come without challenges. Recently, she opened up about experiencing "predatory behavior" with certain fans, publicly requesting them to give her privacy.
Moreover, when Roan struggled to handle her newfound stardom, fellow artists, including Lorde, Sabrina Carpenter, and Charli xcx, reached out to her with advice. Roan wonders how would anyone handle such a drastic transition in life. "I’m in therapy twice a week. I went to a psychiatrist last week because I was like, I don’t know what’s going on," she added.
After her consultation, the doctor diagnosed her with severe depression, which she didn’t think she had. “I’m not actually sad. But I have every symptom of someone who’s severely depressed," she explained. Roan further elaborated how everything she once loved became baggage due to fame, adding that she can’t go to public places without booking security guards.
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