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21 Signs of a Controlling Husband And How to Deal with It
It’s important to notice the signs of a controlling husband and learn ways to deal with them to save yourself from trauma. This article will help you with that!
Power play tactics in relationships are almost like a nose-dive into sabotaging shared love, trust, and support. The most prevalent of tactics is controlling your spouse through various means. If as a wife you have experienced dominance under your controlling husband, you must have felt the adverse effects that accompany it.
On several occasions you must have found that your husband is mean, does not support you, respects the boundaries in the relationship, and dominates you. It’s essential to recognize such signs, seek proactive measures, and learn to cope. Read on to learn about the signs of a controlling spouse, its dangers, and how to deal with it:
21 Obvious Signs of a Controlling Husband
Sometimes one gets so used to a toxic behavior that the apparent boundaries get blurred. Following are some of the major signs that you must analyze in order to fathom the extent of control that your husband has been displaying.
1. He Separates You From Friends And Family
Imagine someone hindering and controlling your relationships with people you love. That is exactly how a manipulative husband would access superiority tools – distancing you physically or mentally from your family and friends. This manipulative behavior could vary from convincing you against them to creating situations that would obstruct your going out time and make you pick sides. Your husband might also make you frequently lie to your kin about the relationship or generic things so as to cut off your ties.
2. He Demands Constant Attention
Keeping an eye on every move of yours and imposing his existence is another controlling mechanism. Too many checking-up calls or demanding intricate details about your day, your schedule, or plans with others is as clingy as it sounds. They also intend to change your plans and make you compromise in some sort of way. For instance, if you are out for dinner with friends, a dominant husband will make too many phone calls and ask you to come home quickly since he is eating alone. It’s their way of demanding attention and driving you into a guilt trip. Such control issues can stem from insecurity and can wreak havoc on your mental health.
3. He Does Not Value Your Opinions
Have you always been mindful of citing even a minute criticism of your husband? It’s because a controlling husband never accepts criticism, but rather responds by defending and offending. You might have to think a lot before discussing issues or sharing your struggles with them, in an attempt to avoid an outburst or hurt their ego. This in turn leads to an unequal and unhealthy marriage.
4. He Always Makes You Feel Guilty
Unforeseen fights, blaming, and targeted comments are all a part of making you feel “not enough.” Whether you scream or politely put across an argument or explanation, it never translates in the correct manner. A controlling husband gaslights you into believing that only you are wrong. With a continuous pattern, you slowly begin to lose self-confidence and inevitably feel guilty.
5. He Does Not Accept Your Viewpoint
Couples having disagreements and differing opinions and beliefs is normal. However, when the spouse never respects their partner’s choices, but instead, ridicules them, it can come across as gaining dominance. The monopoly in decision-making and deeming the wife as silly or not important is the major problem. A dominating husband would never accept your point of view and shut them up.
6. He Dislikes Your Progress
Any progress that the wife makes, be it personally or professionally, a toxic husband will withdraw support and add complications. He would act or say certain things that seemingly imply his annoyance or disregard towards your betterment.
7. He Tries to Control the Finances
Taking complete control of the family’s finances, constantly enquiring the wife about expenditures, managing the wife's money, stopping the wife from earning her own money, not discussing the budget with the wife, and accusing the wife of spendthrifts, among others are major signs of financial abuse meted out by a toxic spouse.
8. His Jokes Are Rude
Partners tend to joke around and even roast each other for fun. But if your husband always makes rude and mean jokes despite knowing that it hurts you, it’s one of the subtle signs of a toxic relationship.
9. His Love Is Time Bound And Situational
When things are going fine, the husband might act lovingly and affectionately. However, when the relationship hits a rock, his personality switches. This shows that his love is conditional. You might get confused with the duality and get under the pressure of making things perfect for both of you when it is teamwork.
10. You Are Unsure About Your Reality
The power play of gaslighting, arguments, and consistent blame by a controlling partner might leave the wife delusional. Due to the uncertainty of the relationship’s issues and deceitful tricks by the husband, you might begin questioning your grounds of reality and feel stressed and dominated.
11. He Acts Jealous
Jealousy may take various forms. Whether it is a guy friend of yours or your personal progress, a toxic man will turn it into a competition and try to sabotage you. He might monitor your relationships, act possessively, demand your attention and time, demean your career growth, call out your choices, show anger, and always sound suspicious.
12. He Blurs Digital Boundaries
In a healthy marriage, the spouse does not feel the need to invade each other’s privacy. But if your husband insists on blurring the digital boundaries, it is alarming! “If you don’t have anything to hide, why don't you share the password?” – This is a common phrase used by dominating husbands in order to track their wives. These tactics may vary from browsing the search history to personal chats and checking the phone galleries etc.
Read More: Love Isn’t Enough in Relationships: Understanding What Matters Beyond Love
13. He Doesn’t Care for Your Needs
Partners are supposed to respect each other’s boundaries and care for their needs. Controlling husbands care solely about their own needs. In disregarding your needs, he might ridicule and ignore them altogether. He would never ask about what you want, not try to understand you, and seemingly never make you a priority.
14. He Coerces for Physical Intimacy
One of the most obvious signs your husband is controlling is that he uses non-violent measures to pressure you into being intimate with him. He might manipulate you, get demanding, humiliate you, or make you feel guilty in order to engage in an intimate activity. Coercion is also a form of control tactic practiced by dominating husbands. They feel entitled to ask for it and never care for their wife's willingness.
15. He Uses Threatening Measures
If regular arguments or fights end up in threats by the husband, it is a major sign of control and power play. They threaten to file for divorce or leave the marriage, and sometimes they control money matters or take away the kids and hurt the wife in some manner. Threatening also implies blackmailing and often the husband shuns the wife by threatening to expose her vulnerability, leaving her hopeless and helpless.
16. He Always Lies
Liars are the biggest red flags in a relationship. If there is no trust and transparency in the marriage, it makes it hollow and meaningless. A controlling husband often lies, be it about small things or major issues. He might lie about his day or hide details from his wife. Even after the confrontation, he won’t budge and continue lying. It shows that he has little or no respect for the wife or the family.
17. He’s Rude to Your Loved Ones
Mostly, controlling partners create a fake personality in front of others to keep their toxic behavior in check. However, in some cases, they overtly act rude and mean to people related to the wife. It gets embarrassing and uncomfortable for the wife and concerning for the family. The husbands act this way with the intention to prove how little they care about you and gain dominance.
18. He Dictates Your Looks
They say a lover adores you for who you are. But in an unhealthy relationship, the husband meddles with the wife’s affairs of clothes, makeup, and overall appearance. He controls your clothing, makeup choices, and hair preferences. Sometimes it’s also about how you engage with people, talk, or do certain things that revolve around your outer appearance.
19. He Controls Your Feelings
This tactic includes quickly disregarding any emerging feelings like anger, frustration, or dismay. It also involves coercing the wife into feeling happy and showing gratitude or forced support. Controlling partners gaslight your thoughts and feelings by playing with words and accessing manipulation. This invalidates your opinions and leaves you second-guessing or overanalyzing situations.
20. He Doesn’t Support Your Goals
Along with sabotaging your progress, controlling men don’t care about their wife’s goals. Whether it is related to their professional life like starting a business or switching jobs, or their personal goals like learning a new skill, traveling, etc — rather than supporting them, they invalidate their visions and wishes.
21. He Takes All the Major Decisions — Without Asking You
In a healthy relationship, a couple makes all the decisions together. One of the most vital signs of a controlling husband is that they want to make all the decisions, even if it concerns you. He will always be in charge of major decisions like buying a home, choosing kids’ school or college, managing travel and house budgets, purchasing a car, etc.
How to Deal with a Controlling Husband
Stay Calm:
It’s only natural to get worked up while dealing with the control. But for the sake of a healthy discussion, you must stay calm and try to calm down your spouse too. Ask him about what’s bothering him and be understanding. A play of reverse psychology often works out.
Find out the Root Cause:
Try to understand the reason behind his controlling behavior. Knowing how it stems will help you resolve and move on toward a healthy bond. Address his concerns if possible, for instance, his triggers, insecurities, etc.
Consider Professional Help:
If the control is persistent and you feel stuck even after trying, it’s viable to seek couple therapy or consult a counselor. The advisor will help resolve the underlying issues and bring peace to the family.
Take Back the Control:
Once you map their patterns, tactics, and tricks, don’t fall for them. You must tactfully fight against the raised issues and get your control back. Make the marriage equal and show him how well it will result for both of you. This also includes drawing boundaries and cherishing your personal space. Introduce the boundaries slowly and steadily as it will be easier to adapt to.
Keep Your Family And Friends Close:
In trying to maintain your husband’s reputation and not concern your family — you might hide your issues. However, don’t isolate yourself. Keep your kin close and share the problems with your trusted ones. Being alone could make his dominance stronger.
Dangers of a Controlling Husband
Having a mean husband who practices control and causes emotional abuse, always lures the danger of spiraling into physical, sexual, or further severe abuse. The outcomes of an unhealthy marriage have unimaginable consequences. A wife might feel too stuck and experience mental health issues. That is why it is important to spot the signs of controlling relationships and deal with them at early stages.
How to Get out of a Controlling Relationship
Consulting the therapist would be great for seeking advice in such matters. When other variables like children, dependency, finance, living support, etc also come into play, your immediate family or close friends can be there to guide you.
Nothing feels scarier and extremely daunting than to experience a dominant and controlling relationship. A controlling husband and their tactics can feel suffocating and make you feel helpless and hopeless. However, there is always hope and a resolution for coping. Once you tap the toxic signs, try to talk to him, and if that does not work out, reach out for help to a friend, your family, or a professional.
ALSO READ: 30 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend That Shouldn't be Ignored
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