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Dating After Divorce: 19 Tips to Help You Sail Through
You had a rough divorce and want your old life back. Dating after divorce is not as tough as it sounds. Take down the below tips and rekindle your dating life.
Breaking social bonds causes immense pain to humans, and a divorce tops this list. The stress of coping with a divorce is tremendous and often instills people with negative thoughts. But getting back into the dating phase is one of the best ways to move forward and let bygones be bygones. It is never easy for a divorced person to open their heart and start dating after divorce. But before you start questioning your options, read the below article for fresh insight on the topic. Learn about the time you need to give yourself before dating again and some key points to note during your first date.
How Long to Wait Before Dating Again?
Moving out of a marriage is never easy unless someone was in an abusive relationship. Married couples separate due to differences in opinions over time or the simple loss of compatibility. According to Laura Doyle, America’s Leading Relationship Coach, “According to official divorce statistics, the leading cause of divorce is "lack of commitment."
But divorce does not mean you stop believing in love altogether. Once legally separated, everyone has the right to find love again. But when is the right time to start dating after a divorce?
This situation has no one-rule-fits-all; some people may not like being alone and start searching immediately after signing the papers. Others may wait and take a break from the dating game. It would help to invest time in a few things before entering a romantic relationship after a divorce.
1. Give Yourself Time to Heal
Divorce can be a traumatic experience. You must take time to align your life and only get back out there once things are in place. For some, it could mean getting your desired job or pursuing their hobbies. You must meet old friends, rebuild relationships and visit family members who do not judge your decision.
2. Identify Your Reasons for Dating Again
You should only get back to dating when you know what you want. You could be looking for a rebound relationship. You may want to take things slow or could be ready to commit. Whatever the reason, by thinking over these points, you’ll be able to clarify why you want to date. Moving forward with clear intentions can save you from further emotional stress.
3. Set Realistic Expectations
Moving out of a rough marriage may incline you toward finding the perfect partner in the future. But you must sit back and remind yourself that perfection is relative. You should start your dating scene only once you have set realistic expectations for your dates.
4. Get over the Fear of Heartbreaks
Heartbreaks are part and parcel of everyone's lives. It's obvious that after going through a divorce, you would like to be in a happy and successful relationship — but don’t live in fairy-tale fantasies, because real life can turn anywhere, anytime. Dating after divorce is not tough if you have the courage to face what comes.
17+ Tips on How to Start Dating After a Divorce
You are finally ready to explore dating life and download the best dating app. You are prepared to attend social gatherings and meet old friends. But, something inside you is hesitant to start the game of cat and mouse again.
Laura Doyle, says, “There's no prescribed waiting time that you have to be sidelined from dating. All humans crave connection, and meeting someone who makes you laugh to have new adventures with is such a relief when you've just been through the most heartbreaking experience of your life. If you feel your heart tugging at you to be open, don't put yourself in dating jail, counting the days until you think other people will say it's acceptable or wise to date again.
You may feel vulnerable, or even embarrassed that your marriage just ended, but that's normal and even relatable. You're not alone! True vulnerability is attractive and may even work in your favor by helping you connect with the right person for you. It's natural to want to protect yourself as you enter the dating world post-divorce, and you might reason that you can avoid another devastating heartbreak by being vigilant in looking out for a track record of "lack of commitment.” But that overly broad heading typically includes marriages where infidelity, addiction, excessive conflict, and lack of intimacy weaken the commitment over time. In other words, you can't know at the onset how the relationship is going to affect you. Dating post-divorce includes risking your heart. But being open, and then having the right person show up in your life as a result? That makes it all worthwhile.”
Read these excellent tips on dating after divorce with ease:
1. Be Honest About Your Past
Being honest with your new partner about your divorce is essential. By being honest you can start a new relationship on a good note and take things forward with a clear conscience. You can even talk about the reason for your divorce with your date if you feel comfortable. You can also ask them for time and talk about it when on the second date.
2. Don't Compare Your New Partner to Your Ex
No two people are alike; the same goes for your new date. It would be wrong on your part to compare your ex-partner with someone you have just met. Do not expect your date to fill the void in your life and replace your previous partner.
3. Communicate Honestly
No healthy relationship survives without effective communication. Be open and honest with your date about your feelings, needs, and expectations. You will develop a romantic relationship and feel relaxed once you talk about your insecurities and past experiences.
4. Be Patient
It is always wise to be patient with yourself, as dating is a slow process. Do not expect to land your dream partner on the first date. You may have to meet several people before landing a like-minded partner again.
5. Be Open to New Experiences
Staying in a troubled marriage often drives people into a shell. People often give up on their hobbies and stop taking challenges after going through a divorce. When you date after a divorce, ensure to expand your boundaries. Your new date may like the theater, so visit a new show. Being open to new experiences may help you discover yourself and be in a happy place.
6. Be Yourself
The most important thing when dating again after a divorce is to be yourself. You will not gain anything by trying to create a fake personality. Let people know the real you and be with someone who loves you for it.
7. Stay Away from Negative People
Society and its people have much to say when someone gets a divorce. They like giving unsolicited advice and gossiping about people behind their backs. When you start dating, stay away from people who pull you down. They will only poison your thoughts and that of your new partner.
8. Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Divorce leaves unseen scars that need time and support to heal. If you find yourself struggling in the dating game, seek help. You can visit a relationship counselor as they can help ease the trauma. Talk to your date about it and tell them you are consciously trying to move on.
9. Have Fun
An essential tip to revive your dating scene is to have fun. Meet new people, make friends, and learn a new way of life. You should always have a set of close friends to keep you grounded and give you rain checks. But otherwise, do not pity yourself for having had a divorce.
10. Don't Rush Into Anything
It's essential to take things slow when dating after divorce. Don't take a life-altering decision just because another friend of yours had a baby or got married. Only start dating once you are mentally ready. The last thing you want is another setback in your love life.
11. Be Safe
The online platform for dating is the one to watch out for. Our contributor Chris Pleines, a dating expert from DatingScout, an online dating site, says, “To stay safe in online dating, create a separate account, use unique photos, don't share personal information, verify identities, block suspicious users, don't send money, meet in public, and trust your gut.” You may encounter fake profiles, skittish people, and even outright brash individuals. No one knows what is lurking on the other side of the screen. When using a dating app, ensure you do thorough background checks before going on a date or disclosing personal information.
12. Trust Your Gut
Humans are blessed with a gut instinct, and one must never avoid it. Your gut feeling responds to the silent vibe you receive from another human. Trust this inner voice, and you will always stay safe.
13. Talk About Your Kids
Lying about being a parent on your first date after divorce is not advisable. Tell your date about your kids. It will help you understand their preferences. Your kids are a vital part of your life, and your date has the right to know about them. Some people like children and may be willing to become step-parents to yours.
14. Keep Your Bank Balance Safe
Finding a new partner does not mean spending lavishly on their needs. Learn from your previous mistakes and keep your savings protected. Avoid discussing the amount of money you got as alimony with your new date.
15. Try Not to Stick to a Particular Type
You may have gotten married to your true love once, and it did not work, but it is not the end of the world. However, you may need to become more flexible in the kind of people you want to date now. Try moving away from your "type" and be open to meeting people with a different mindset.
16. Get over Your Ex
Your ex was a real charmer, and you had some memorable moments with them. But things didn't work out, and you got divorced. Start afresh when dating after divorce, and don't be in your past — this will help you look into your dating life with a new perspective.
17. Introduce Your Kids
Once you think your new date understands your mental state and is accepting of your children, make them meet. It is very crucial that your new partner takes them as their own and invests in their future as well.
18. Ditch the Idea of Finding a Perfect Partner
You met someone after the divorce, and they swept you off your feet. But you found some flaw in the way they chew their food or sip their drink. You constantly try to fit them into the mold of your ideal partner. But you must remember that the ideal partner is a myth and does not exist in reality.
19. Invest in Yourself
Dating someone or finding a partner does not mean you should stop focusing on yourself. After facing a divorce, you must separate your relationship, career, and personal growth charts. Work on all fronts individually and see how things line up.
How Easy Is It to Find a New Relationship After a Divorce?
Romance has finally blossomed after your horrid divorce, and you feel like life is worth living again. But is it true love? The more important question here is, does true love exist? Finding love is not impossible at any stage in life, but true love is fairytale-ish.
Rather than running after a fantasy, one should focus on making things suitable with the newfound love. Dating after divorce takes immense energy; another heartbreak could cause depressive thoughts. Give things time and let them mature naturally. By forcing the idea of true love, you will raise your expectations too high.
It is not very easy to find a perfect partner after a divorce. You must sieve through many people to get to the right one. Some people are lucky enough to meet the right person on the first go. It is essential to understand that not everything is in your control. So, come back to the real world and grow together in love rather than running after a fantasy.
Conclusion
Dating after divorce is not as nightmarish as people think. Yes, you first need to clear out many issues within yourself. Take time out, consider why you want to start a new relationship, and only then go for dating. You also need to take things slow on your first date. Be honest with your new partner; do not put too many clauses into your dating life. Once you follow the tips given above, getting back to dating again will not feel challenging. So, hold your head high; you may even find your soulmate on the other side of the dating app.
Contributor: Chris Pleines, Dating expert - Datingscout
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