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Relationship Wisdom: 80 Funny Marriage Advice to Live By
Laugh your way to a happy marriage with these funny marriage advice and quotes. Get ready for a lifetime of laughter and joy rides with these hilarious tips.
Marriage, the beautiful union of two souls, is a journey that often requires more than just love. A shared sense of humor can be the secret ingredient that keeps the flame alive and the laughter flowing. Successful, long-term couples understand the power of funny marriage advice and quotes. Whether poking fun at each other's peculiarities or finding the comedic silver lining in life's little mishaps, we'll look at 80 amusing pieces of advice regarding marriage in this article that will make you laugh out loud. From the amusing perspectives of movie characters, celebrities, writers, comedians, and even politicians, these quotes offer a refreshing and lighthearted take on the joys and challenges of matrimony. So take your coffee, settle down, and get ready to explore the humorous world of marriage quotes and advice. We ensure that it will be a tomfoolery ride that you will probably remember forever!
Funny Marriage Advice for Newlyweds
1. "Keep in mind that teamwork is the core of marriage. Thus, assuming that your companion requests assist with something, make a point to designate the errand to them. Sharing responsibilities is everything!"
2. "A successful marriage relies heavily on communication. No matter who is right or who is wrong. It's about who can concoct the most persuasive contention!"
3. "Marriage is said to be about giving and receiving. Give your spouse a hard time and take all the credit for being right. Everyone benefits from this."
4. "The most important rule of marriage is this: Life and wife are happy. And if the wife is unhappy, just keep giving her chocolate until she forgets what was bothering her!"
5. “Do you want to keep your marriage's romance alive? Make breakfast in bed a surprise for your spouse. A toaster waffle and a cup of coffee constitute breakfast. Isn't the thought what matters?”
6. "Continuously recall, in marriage, compromise is fundamental. Thus, if your life partner needs to watch a heartfelt film, split the difference by allowing them to watch it single-handedly while you make up for lost time with your sporting event!"
7. "Never let your arguments get you down at night. Remain up the entire evening battling, so you can both be depleted and excessively drained to recall what you were quarreling over in any case!"
8. "Laughter has been touted as the best remedy, and this is true in marriages as well. Therefore, make it a daily habit to crack jokes at each other. It's a great way to maintain love and laughter!"
9. "Keep in mind, marriage resembles a long-distance race. Thus, ensure you're consistently one stride ahead by concealing the television remote. It is certain to keep your spouse following you!"
10. "Even if you are unable to identify what you did wrong, apologize and ask your spouse to explain. It keeps peace and saves time!"
A Dose of Laughter With Funny Wedding Sayings
11. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Anonymous
12. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” —Benjamin Franklin
13. “Million dollar truth..Wife is cute when she is mute and husband is honey when he gives money.”
14. “After marriage, husband & wife become two sides of a coin; They just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.” – Hemant Joshi
15. “Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.” – Alan King
16. “Happiest couple don’t HAVE the best of everything, they just MAKE the best of everything.” – Anonymous
17. “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.” —George Bernard Shaw
18. “Make sure you have date night even if it's once in a blue moon because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep." —Chris Hemsworth
19. "I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored." —Cameron Esposito
20. "Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
21. “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
Laugh Out Loud With Funny Marriage Quotes
22. "Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
23. “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” —Mickey Rooney
24. "After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
25. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three meals a day and remembering to carry the trash out.” —Joyce Brothers
26. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
27. “My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and without a doubt, the hardest times we've faced were those times when we hated each other.” —Andy Richter
28. “My wife didn't take my name, which isn't weird, but what's weird is when people think it's weird, like we're on a first-name basis anyway.” —Mark Agee
29. “Love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy.” —Goldie Hawn
30. "Marriage is like a graph—it has its ups and downs, and as long as things bounce back up again, you’ve got a good marriage. If it heads straight down, then you’ve got some problems!" —Dame Julie Andrews
31. “Our marriage was the most difficult, grueling, excruciating thing that we have ever taken on in our lives. And you know, we're just not quitters.” —Will Smith
32. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” —Chris Rock
33. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” —Winston Churchill
34. “We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working.” —Justin Timberlake
35. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
36. “Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
37. “We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
38. “Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called 50 Shades of Just O.K.” —Conan O'Brien
Amusing Advice for Married Couples
39. "Stay Up And Fight All Night Long"
Take a humorous approach to resolving conflicts before going to sleep.It playfully suggests that couples should have a fun-filled all-night argument instead of going to bed upset or reluctantly. It also invites couples to embrace the humor and irony in the challenges they may face, creating a more positive atmosphere within their marriage.
40. "Forget Anniversary; Buy a Gift Everyday for a Month"
It suggests that making up for a missed anniversary requires more than a simple apology or last-minute gift. It encourages couples to make an effort to honor and cherish each other everyday, as these memories hold sentimental value in a relationship.
41. "Matching the Rhythm"
Marriage is like a dance, with partners following a rhythm and striving for harmony. Missteps and temporary discord are natural parts of marriage life. Still, couples can create a beautiful dance of love and companionship by finding their unique rhythm and supporting each other through missteps.
42. "Snoring - a Disturbing Habit"
This quip contrasts the hard and difficult aspects of marriage with the annoying aspects of snoring. Moreover, it exhorts couples to approach marriage with humor, flexibility, and a readiness to face both the thrilling and routine elements of life together.
43. "Don't Compare the Taste of Food"
Comparing the cooking of your spouse to that of your mother is unnecessary. It is important to recognize and celebrate the unique cooking styles and flavors that your spouse brings to the relationship, fostering appreciation and a sense of togetherness in their culinary experiences.
44. "Shut the Restroom Lid"
It refers to the position of the toilet seat and potential disagreements that can arise from it. It playfully acknowledges that forgetting to flush or leaving the toilet seat down can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, and brings a touch of humor to the occasional mishaps and forgetfulness that can occur in everyday life. It encourages couples to approach these situations with understanding, open communication, and a sense of humor, emphasizing that these moments are part of the journey of living together.
Funny Quotes for Husband to Brighten Your Day
45. “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
46. “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
47. “Two things are necessary to keep a wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.”
48. "Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
49. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
50. “A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month." —Dax Shepard
51. “People say, 'Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.' I think it's hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” —Tom Hanks
Funny Jokes for Wife to Lighten the Mood
52. "Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." —Will Ferrell
53. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you." —Megan Mullally
54. “When he says that he will be home by 11.00pm after a night out with his friends, don’t lock the front door before at least 1.00am.”
55. “I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
56. “I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
57. “One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’” —Michelle Obama
58. "Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you." —Chip Gaines
Funny Wedding Jokes for Newlyweds
59. “The bride and groom started their relationship like an ordinary set of affectionate birds, by spending pretty much every second together - during which time Linda attempted to choose if she could do any better. And considering how far they have come; I can only assume that the bride had her wings clipped.”
60. “Naturally, the groom has always been extremely concerned with his appearance, but this morning was especially bad because he spent three hours in the bathroom! Why not agree to give a speech at the wedding to get a sense of what that's like?”
61. “Marriage is progressing at an ever-increasing rate. Two scoutmasters recently made the decision to wed.”
62. “I generally needed to wed Mrs. Perfect, yet I didn't have a clue about her most memorable name was ‘Consistently’.”
63. “Why did the Queen of Hearts marry the King of Hearts? They were impeccably appropriate for one another.”
64. “On a roof, two antennas met, fell in love, and got married. The function wasn't a lot; however, the reception was phenomenal.”
Funny Marriage Jokes for Couple
65. "What makes a marriage work well? A sense of humor and a shared bank account."
66. "Marriage is a relationship in which one person always wins, and that person is not a husband!"
67. "Marriage is the point at which a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one."
68. "Marriage is full of surprises but it's mostly just asking each other, ‘Do you have to do that right now?’"
69. Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?" Husband: “How can I do that? She is his wife.”
70. "Any husband who says, 'My wife and I are completely equal partners', is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge." — Bill Cosby
71. "I’d now like to focus on the groom for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. You will never again be the center of attention after today."
72. "Marriage is like a deck of cards. Two hearts and a diamond are all you need to start. But by the end, you'll be looking for a club and a spade!"
73. "Marriage is finding that one special person you can't wait to be annoyed with for the rest of your life.”
74. “The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are ‘I apologize’ and ‘You are right.’”
Read More: Marriage Jokes to Keep Your Marriage Hilariously Healthy
Funny Quotes About Marriage from Movies And TV
75. "Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in “Letters to Juliet”
76. “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of Everybody Loves Raymond. Only it doesn't last 22. It lasts forever." —Pete in Knocked Up
77. "Did you know that the institution of marriage was created when the average person lived to the age of 30?" — Kim in The Last Kiss
78. "You want to understand what marriage is actually like, right? You wake up, she's there. You come back from work, she's there. You fall asleep, she's there. You eat dinner, she's there. You know? Even if that seems horrible, it's actually not." —Ray on Everybody Loves Raymond
79. “The first draft of my vows, which I wrote the day after we got engaged, clocked in at around 70 pages.” – Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation
80. "She's your lobster. Come on, you guys. Lobsters are known to fall in love and pair for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws." —Phoebe Buffay in Friends
Conclusion
Marriage is a beautiful dance of love, trust, compromise, and humor. Funny marriage advice and quotes serve as a reminder that laughter is not only good for the soul but also for the health of a relationship. They offer a refreshing perspective on the complexities of married life, reminding us to find the funny side of things, embrace imperfections, and cherish the unique dynamics between partners. While amusing marriage advice should be taken with a grain of salt, it can still hold kernels of truth and wisdom. It reminds us to communicate, compromise, and never lose sight of the importance of laughter and shared moments of joy.
Let these funny marriage quotes be a source of inspiration, a reminder to keep our sense of humor alive, and a catalyst for strengthening the bond we share with our loved ones. So, let's dance, laugh, and create a lifetime of happy memories together, knowing that a good laugh is often the best medicine for a vibrant and lasting marriage.
ALSO READ: 151 Marriage Jokes to Keep Your Marriage Hilariously Healthy
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