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How to Rekindle a Relationship? 15 Great Ways to Get the Spark Back
Wondering how to rekindle a relationship and get the magic back? These practical tips about communication, intimacy, etc, will help you start afresh.
A Colleen Hoover novel would probably tell you otherwise, but it is normal to feel not in love all the time without it being a huge deal! Especially seeing that you’re curious about how to rekindle a relationship and are willing to put effort into it, we can confidently tell you that you have nothing to worry about.
The problem with romantic relationships is that most people have a very idealistic and unrealistic idea of love. And, when reality hits, it is common for people to doubt whether there is any love left in the relationship at all. However, love is nothing but two people putting conscious efforts into making things work and keeping the chemistry alive while prioritizing the relationship over other problems that a couple might face.
However, before we jump into finding out how to rekindle love, let us understand whether it is possible to do so or not.
Can a Couple Rekindle a Relationship?
Generally speaking, yes. However, this is quite relative and depends on why a couple may want to rekindle a relationship.
Is it because your relationship simply lost its spark after maturing, or is it because of some misunderstanding that caused you two to grow apart? Has you or your partner cheated on the other, or are you wondering what it would be like to be romantically involved with someone else?
Most people ask the question, “How to rekindle a relationship?” simply because the reality of life does not match the idealistic perception of love that they might have had. Hence, it may be a good idea to reflect on the current status of your relationship and assess your needs before starting things fresh with your partner.
If you have already made that decision, the following tips will help you bring the spark back.
15 Tips to Bring the Spark Back in a Relationship
The following are some tips to reignite that lost spark in a relationship. The key in the following points are gratitude, communication, and healthy physical intimacy. Scroll away to learn more.
1. Go Back to How You Started
The first step to reignite the spark in a relationship is to reflect on its initial stages. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Where was the first time you two met?
- How did you confess your feelings for each other for the first time?
- What are 3 traits that had you infatuated with your partner?
- When was the first time you got physically intimate?
Answer these questions seriously and be honest with yourself. If thinking of these answers immediately brings a smile to your face, then know that your feelings of attraction and desire are still very strong — you just need to dust them off!
Hence, a great way to rekindle romance would be to walk down memory lane — perhaps, even literally! Visit the place where you two first met, had your first kiss, said “I love you,” celebrated your anniversary, or simply had a great conversation that warms your heart to date.
Research too, suggests that romantic nostalgia is great for mental health and helps foster healthy relationships (1).
2. Take Advantage of Your Differences
The popular notion that “opposites attract” comes down to the “law of polarity.” In psychology, the term basically means that every positive attribute of a person has an equal and opposite, negative side to it.
This means that every annoying habit or pattern that your partner seems to have, which may put you off, will have some good to it. To use this to your favor and rekindle old flames, think about the qualities in your partner that are very different than yours, and hence, exciting!
For example, your partner is a cheeky risk-taker and you prefer things to be safe and organized. This means that whenever you feel bored, scared, or uninspired, they can help you make confident decisions and stir some adventure into your life.
Instead of fixating on your partner’s flaws to justify the lost spark in your relationship, take some time to reflect on their unique strengths and the value they add to your life.
3. Kiss More Often
Nobody needs to tell you to “kiss your partner” more if you’re in the beginning stage of a relationship. And when the attraction is new and your hormones are all over the place, kissing your partner is the easiest thing to do!
However, couples who have been with each other for a long time may notice that their relationship has become more platonic than passionate. So, to rekindle those feelings in your relationship, start by kissing your partner often.
If this were math, we would say that kissing and romance are directly proportional to each other. But, psychologically speaking, research has proven that kissing releases the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin in the body, which helps one establish a close bond with someone. It also releases “happy hormones” such as serotonin and dopamine, which help you enjoy the process and thereby rekindle romance (2).
4. Be Silly
It is one thing to be in a serious relationship. However, having a very serious attitude overall can be the thief of joy. If you allow external problems to get the better of you, it can severely affect your relationship dynamic and kill the passion.
Hence, to rekindle a broken relationship, try to let loose and be a little silly. Have a sense of humor and use it to soften the intensity of any argument or disagreement you have with your partner. Try to woo your partner with cheesy pick-up lines and try to feel like a teenager in love again — even if you feel like you’re too old for this.
You may even watch a rom-com together, grab ice cream with them, or look at each other’s childhood photos to foster a sense of warmth with your partner.
Read More: 80 Cheesy Pick-up Lines to Get Your Funny Rizz Going!
5. Be Authentic
Rekindling love doesn’t have to be a filmy, grand gesture, or anything that makes you feel out of character. In fact, your partner would be most attracted to you in your natural element. So, be yourself and express your love for your partner in a way that feels honest and genuine.
Moreover, if you’re nervous about rekindling a broken relationship, start by taking things easy. Don’t let your partner think that you’re “struggling” to make things work, as that doesn’t seem like a good sign.
6. Discuss Your Romantic Fantasies
Sometimes, when we start having predictable physical intimacy with someone, we lose touch with our own fantasies and desires. This may make us lose the spark with time and find physical intimacy to be unexciting.
So, to rouse excitement and rekindle old flames, it is a great idea to get in tune with your own romantic fantasies and share them with your partner. If this feels awkward at first, you can start with having a casual discussion about your celebrity crush or your idea for a perfect date and eventually bring up ideas of foreplay, etc.
7. Address Why You’re Avoiding Physical Intimacy
There can be many reasons why one pulls away from physical intimacy. Sometimes, this may have nothing to do with feelings of love or chemistry with your partner.
Life stressors such as finances, parenting, career, or even personal insecurities may make a person resist physical intimacy, and one shouldn’t ever force oneself to indulge in it. However, if you really want to rekindle romance, you have to address this issue immediately.
In fact, sweet physical gestures like a reassuring caress, a forehead kiss, tight hugs, or an affection touch can significantly reduce stress, make you feel optimistic, and help with overall emotional well-being.
8. Don’t Assume You Know Everything About Your Partner
In the early stages of attraction, what keeps us hooked to a person is that we’re curious about them. We want to get to know them better and ask them questions — light-hearted, deep, intimate — all kinds!
In contrast, once we spend years with a person, we start assuming that we know everything about them and start to get disenchanted with them. However, it is important to understand that people keep changing and evolving, and there’s always something more to learn about them.
It takes effort and patience to get to know one’s partner better — but trust us — it is very rewarding, too! This approach especially helps when you’re trying to rekindle a relationship with your ex or revive a dying relationship.
Read More: 200+ Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend to Feel Closer to Her
9. Try Out a New, Exciting Activities Together
Activities outside your regular routine are a great way to feel some excitement, and when you’re trying them out with your partner, they are an opportunity to spark up some romance. You can try to explore different activities such as sensual pottery, therapeutic art, museum hopping, bowling, dance class, board games, outdoor games, couples’ massages, etc., to experience some excitement with your partner.
10. Get Some Adrenaline Rush
If you’re up for it, try out some more adventurous activities with your partner than more orthodox hobbies — rollercoaster rides, camping, scavenger hunts, surfing and other water sports, escape rooms, paintball games, etc., to name a few.
That gush of adrenaline these activities bring can help you turn to your partner for warmth and comfort, thereby reigniting old flames.
11. Make Dedicated Time for Each Other
If you have lived with your partner under the same roof for many years, this may seem irrelevant to you — but it is not. Just seeing someone in your proximity for the most part of the day is not the same as quality time.
Spending quality time means truly being in the moment with that special person in your life and savoring every moment spent together. You can choose to have deep, meaningful conversations with your partner, engage in a therapeutic activity, or simply sit in peaceful silence.
12. Use Words of Affirmation
Communication doesn’t just end with having a lot of conversations with your partner. You can talk to them about all kinds of things, but if you never tell them how much you love them and reassure them of your feelings, it all becomes pointless.
Among the basic steps of how to rekindle a relationship is through romantic words of affirmation, and trust us, it doesn’t have to be as intimidating as it sounds. In fact, being honest and open about your feelings with your partner is probably the best way to feel lighter and relieved around them.
13. Surprise Them with a Thoughtful Gift
If gift-sharing is your partner’s love language and you have a good idea of their likes and dislikes then this would be a great way to rekindle a flame. While giving gifts on special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc, are great too, it is a sweeter gesture to give your partner a gift when they are least expecting it.
Read More: 25 Cute and Romantic Surprise Ideas for Boyfriend to Make Him Love You Even More
14. Don’t Lose Yourself in an Argument
Arguments are common in every relationship. Some heated disagreements are even necessary to foster a healthy relationship; they serve as a reminder that it is okay to have differences with someone you love and that you don’t have to hold back from sharing your feelings or opinions.
However, the problem arises when people get too consumed in the argument and focus too much on winning, which makes them lose perspective of the relationship itself. Love is cultivated only when people remember their love for their partners and hold it on priority even when things get difficult.
15. Collect Your Happy Memories
Record your candid moments, nostalgic dates, and time spent together on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and vacations in photos and videos. Collect souvenirs that remind you of your favorite memories, like a monogrammed tissue from a fancy restaurant you went to, tickets to an excellent movie you watched, or something as unusual as some soil from the place you two went hiking.
Perhaps you both can maintain a gratitude journal describing your feelings during special moments in your life. These documented accounts of fond memories can instantly help you get in tune with feelings of love at times when you feel you’ve lost the spark.
Now that you have an idea of how to rekindle a relationship, let’s read more to understand what breaks a relationship so that you can either start making amends with the above tips or prevent this from happening.
What Breaks a Relationship?
The following are some common relationship killers that you need to watch out for.
1. Lack of Communication:
Communication, arguably, is the foundation of any relationship — platonic or romantic. And, it doesn’t just end at talking about the day-to-day affairs like what to order for lunch.
It is also about expressing your feelings, thoughts, and opinions on different matters. Besides, communication is a powerful tool that can help us understand and process our own feelings better, and we should engage in that to maintain healthy relationships.
Having said that, communication fizzling out with your partner can pose several threats to a relationship such as holding on to past grudges, re-opening old wounds, presuming things, and reading too much between the lines, etc.
2. Lack of Trust And Infidelity:
This one is the most Machiavellian cause of couples growing apart. A relationship without trust is not a relationship at all, even if two people live under one roof or get physically intimate. It is unhealthy to continue being with a person you don’t fully trust. Besides, cheating on someone is breaking the very first rule of the relationship bible, and ends up hurting everyone involved.
3. Not Spending Quality Time:
You may not directly cheat on your partner, but not spending quality time can make them feel just as abandoned and unloved. No matter how busy you are, wanting to spend time with someone is eventually just a matter of priority. And, if you don’t share your time with someone, it is unrealistic to expect the relationship to stay the same.
4. Avoiding Conflict:
For the feeble-minded, arguments and conflicts are the reasons why a relationship comes to an end. However, in many cases, a relationship breaks off because the couple didn’t have any conflicts at all.
Every individual has unique needs and opinions; hence, conflicts and disagreements are natural, even healthy to an extent. However, if a couple is not having any arguments whatsoever, chances are, it is because they are not expressing themselves openly and are bottling up their emotions.
5. Not Putting in Efforts:
Everyone puts the right amount of effort into a relationship in its honeymoon phase. However, as the relationship matures, people start believing that they know everything about their partners and that there isn’t much left to do. As this lousy attitude creeps in, the downfall of a relationship begins.
6. Having an Unrealistic Idea of Love:
The concept of people being destined to be together is a ridiculously common reason why some people stop putting effort into a relationship. After all, if you are soulmates, then it shouldn’t require work to keep the spark alive, right? Wrong!
While love is a wonderful thing, what truly makes it special is that two people are consistently working hard to maintain and rejuvenate it. When that doesn’t happen, a couple inevitably grows apart.
Before understanding how to rekindle a relationship, it is important to assess where your relationship stands and what exactly it is lacking at the moment. That way, you’ll know exactly which step to take next and not overdo anything.
For example, if communication is not an issue in your relationship, then words of affirmation may not be a solution for you; instead, you can consider giving a surprise gift to your partner or taking them out for regular date nights. If physical intimacy is not a problem for you, then you might want to spend more quality time with your partner and explore other exciting things outside the bedroom.
Relationships are imperfect and you may feel the need to reignite the spark from time to time. So do that, without losing faith in order to truly experience love in its essence.
Sources:
1. Romantic nostalgia as a resource for healthy relationships - Nicholas D. Evans, Jacob Juhl, Erica G. Hepper, Tim Wildschut, Constantine Sedikides, Adam K. Fetterman, 2022
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/02654075221075773
2. Examining the Possible Functions of Kissing in Romantic Relationships - PMC
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