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Unveiling 10 Signs of a One-sided Friendship And Finding Balance
One-sided friendships can leave you emotionally drained and unfulfilled. Here are some steps to consider to promote healthier and balanced bonds with your pal.
In the realm of cherished friendships, it is only natural to seek a harmonious symphony of give-and-take, where both sides invest equally. However, there are times when relationships become unbalanced and make us question what true friendship really means. One person may feel as if they are giving without getting back the same amount of care and consideration. Such imbalances can leave that individual feeling unheard, unappreciated, or even taken for granted. These red flags signal a one-sided friendship, evoking a sense of imbalance and highlighting the need for introspection.
So, if your friend is not making time for you or doesn't seem interested in what's going on in your life, it might be time to reconsider your friendship. Now is your chance to discover the tell-tale signs of a one-sided friendship so you can gain a deeper understanding of your connections and make informed decisions on how to proceed.
What is a One-sided Friendship?
Imagine a friendship like a seesaw. In a balanced friendship, both friends sit on opposite ends, lifting each other up and having a great time together. But sometimes, you might find yourself doing all the pushing while your friend just sits there, enjoying the ride without putting in any effort. That's what we call a one-sided friendship! It is like being the only one paddling a canoe while your friend relaxes and enjoys the view.
It can feel like you are doing all the work in maintaining the friendship, while the other person is less invested or responsive. And so, it can be equally frustrating because you are not getting the same love, support, and attention in return.
10 Signs of One-sided Friendship
It is important to note the signs of a one-sided friendship because it allows us to navigate our relationships with greater awareness and make informed decisions on managing and allocating our time, energy, and emotions. Recognizing the signs helps us understand the dynamics at play and gain insight into whether the friendship is mutually beneficial and fulfilling.
Read on to acquaint yourself with these signs:
1. There is a Lack of Reciprocity
In a friendship, reciprocity is the give-and-take that keeps the bond strong. It is about both friends contributing, supporting, and showing care for each other. When reciprocity is absent, one person ends up doing all the giving while the other simply takes without giving back. It is simply like being stuck in an endless loop where your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated.
2. There is an Imbalance in Initiating Efforts
In a friendship, when there's imbalanced effort, it means one person is putting in way more time and energy than the other. You are constantly initiating hangouts, checking in, and being there for your friend, but they rarely do the same for you. It feels like you are investing so much, but they are not meeting you halfway. This imbalance can leave you feeling unappreciated, drained, and like you are carrying the weight of the friendship on your shoulders. Over time, this imbalance erodes the foundation of the friendship, as it lacks the mutual investment and shared responsibility that make relationships thrive.
3. There is Self-centredness
A friendship should be a mutual exchange, where both friends share and support each other. But when self-centeredness takes over, where one person's needs and interests consistently take precedence, it somewhere leads to lopsided friendships. It can leave you feeling left out and undervalued as if your presence and contributions don't really matter. When one person is self-centered, they tend to prioritize their own needs, desires, and experiences above everything else.
They may dominate conversations, always steering them back to themselves without showing genuine curiosity or concern for what is happening in your life. It feels like you are in a one-person show where their spotlight never shines on you.
4. There is Consistent Unavailability
In a friendship, availability is crucial. It is about being there for each other, showing up, and making time to nurture the bond. But when one person is consistently unavailable, it becomes a prominent sign of friendship that starts to lose its steadiness. Your friend may frequently cancel plans, make excuses, or simply be too busy to connect.
It feels like you are always the one trying to make things work while they are constantly unavailable, leaving you feeling disappointed and unimportant.
5. You Might Feel Emotionally Drained
In a healthy friendship, both friends provide support to each other. But in a one-sided friendship, the weight of emotional support falls mostly on your shoulders. You might find yourself constantly listening to your friend’s problems, offering advice, and being there for them. But when it is your turn to share, they might not give you the same level of care and attention.
It feels like you are pouring your heart out, but the other person is not really reciprocating with the same level of empathy. This emotional drain can leave you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
6. Your Feelings Are Ignored
When someone dismisses your feelings, know that they are downplaying or ignoring what you are going through. It is like trying to share something important with them, only to have your words fall on deaf ears or be brushed off. It leaves you feeling unheard, invalidated, and like your emotions don't matter. In a healthy friendship, both friends should be open to listening and validating each other's feelings.
It is about creating a safe space where you can express yourself without fear of judgment or dismissal. But when your friend never validates and consistently dismisses your feelings, it creates an imbalance in the relationship.
7. You Might Receive Conditional Support
In a healthy friendship, providing sustenance and comfort should be an unconditional act. It means being there for each other through thick and thin, offering a listening ear, a helping hand, and genuine care, regardless of the circumstances. But in a one-sided friendship, the backing and the kind of upliftment you may need from someone is often conditional, and you might find that your friend is only interested in being around when it serves their own needs.
Such conditional friendships lead to disharmony between two people wherein you might find yourself constantly giving, but when you need assistance in return, your friend may not be there for you. It is like being on a seesaw where they're always up in the air, enjoying the benefits of your limitless care while you're left grounded and unsupported.
8. There Is One-sided Decision Making
One-sided decision-making occurs when your friend constantly makes choices without considering your thoughts, preferences, or desires. It is like being handed a script and told to play a supporting role while your friend takes the spotlight. Your opinions and ideas may go unheard or dismissed, leaving you feeling like your voice does not matter. When you look at it, in a healthy friendship, decisions are always made collaboratively, with both friends having an equal say.
It is about finding common ground and considering each other's perspectives. But in a one-sided friendship, the decision-making power is lopsided, and you may feel like your input is disregarded.
9. There Is Inconsistent Communication
Imagine you have a friend who rarely responds to your messages or cancels plans at the last minute without a good reason. It can make you feel neglected and unimportant. Inconsistent communication means that your friend is not putting in the effort to maintain a balanced and stable friendship.
They might only reach out to you when they need something or it is convenient for them. It can feel like you are the only one invested in the friendship, and now your efforts have been starting to go in vain. Over time, this can even lead to feelings of frustration, loneliness, and even hatred for the other person.
In the words of our contributor, Chris Pleines, a dating expert, “To set realistic expectations for your friendships, you should think about what is important to you in a friendship. Give and receive support equally, understand that people change and friendships can evolve, and be willing to talk about problems, and share feedback.”
10. You Might Feel Undervalued
Imagine you have a friend who often dismisses your ideas, accomplishments, or feelings. They may not give you the recognition or appreciation you deserve. This can make you feel undervalued and unimportant in the friendship. And when you start feeling undervalued, it means that your friend does not fully recognize or acknowledge your worth and contributions. They might take you for granted and not show gratitude for your efforts. Over time, this can create an imbalance in the friendship, where you are constantly giving and putting in the effort but not receiving the same in return.
10 Ways to Handle One-sided Friendships
Friendships should be like a fantastic duo, with both sides bringing their unique powers and quirks to the table. Just like Batman needs Robin, you deserve a friend who supports you, listens to you, and values your awesomeness. But even if you do ever find yourself in a one-sided position, you need not fear because we are here to arm you with the best ways to handle such a sticky situation.
Check out a few of them below.
1. Reflect on Your Feelings
Take some time to reflect on how the one-sided friendship makes you feel. Assess if it is worth continuing the relationship or if it is taking a toll on your emotional well-being. Understanding your feelings will help guide your approach.
2. Communicate Your Concerns
Have an open and honest conversation with your friend about your feelings. Explain how their behavior is impacting you and the friendship. Choose a calm and non-confrontational setting to express your concerns. Use "I" statements to express how you feel, such as, "I feel hurt when I don't hear from you for long periods." Give your friend an opportunity to share their perspective as well.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from further emotional strain. Communicate your needs and expectations in the friendship. For example, you can let your friend know that consistent communication and mutual support are important to you. Be prepared to enforce these boundaries and make choices that prioritize your well-being.
4. Focus on Self-care
Invest time and energy in activities and relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends who value and appreciate you. Engage in hobbies, self-care practices, and personal growth activities that boost your self-esteem and overall happiness.
5. Assess the Friendship's Balance
Evaluate whether the friendship is truly mutual and balanced. Look for signs of genuine effort and reciprocity from your friend. If you consistently feel that the relationship remains one-sided despite your efforts, it may be necessary to reassess the level of investment you are willing to put into the friendship and your bond.
6. Seek Support
Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or even a therapist to discuss your feelings and gain perspective. They can provide guidance and support during this challenging time. Sometimes an outside perspective can help you see the situation more clearly.
7. Be Open to Letting Go
While it can be difficult, sometimes letting go of a one-sided friendship is the healthiest choice. Recognize that you deserve friendships that are balanced, supportive, and fulfilling. Accept that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek healthier connections.
8. Search for a Sidekick
Expand your social circle and find friends who appreciate you and your existence around them. Seek connections with people who reciprocate your efforts and genuinely care about your well-being. Surround yourself with a diverse team of friends who lift you up and make you feel like the superhero you truly are.
9. Adjust Your Expectations
Acknowledge that the friendship may not be balanced and that your friend may not be capable of meeting your expectations. It is important to be realistic about what you can expect from them. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from a friendship. Consider the qualities and actions important to you and assess whether your current friendship aligns with your needs.
10. Focus on Your Personal Growth
Our contributor Jonathan Hartley, who is a relationship coach, says, “Rather than viewing emotional drainage through a transactional lens of direct tit-for-tat reciprocity, it is suggested to shift to an abundance paradigm of relationships as infinite energizing forces.”
Shift your focus inward and concentrate on your personal growth and development. Invest time and energy in pursuing your own goals and passions. By focusing on your journey, you can find fulfillment and create a positive impact on your life.
While friendships are meant to be a joyous and balanced experience, sometimes we find ourselves doing all the heavy lifting while our friend enjoys a leisurely ride. Recognizing the signs of a one-sided friendship is crucial for our own happiness and well-being. It empowers us to make informed decisions about the relationships we invest our time and energy in. Remember, a healthy friendship is always built on reciprocity, mutual support, and open communication.
So, let us surround ourselves with friends who lift us up, cheer us on, and bring harmony to our friendship symphony. After all, life is too short for a lopsided ride on the seesaw of friendship!
Contributor: Chris Pleines, Dating expert - Datingscout
Jonathan Hartley, Relationship Coach - Positive Dating
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