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30 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend That Shouldn't be Ignored
It is crucial to identify the warning signs of a controlling boyfriend so that you can take a decision and save yourself from being in a toxic relationship.
Emotional pain in a relationship can make anyone devastated. Many people, after their breakup, ponder about what went wrong in the relationship. Later, they come to the realization that there were many red flags right from the beginning, which they ignored because they were blinded by love.
Speaking of red flags, our contributor Laura Doyle, an experienced relationship coach and author, says, “Some common and easy to miss redflags include the fear or possessiveness of your partner. Underneath control is always fear, so if your potential partner seems very fearful, they will likely become controlling at some point.” It is best not to let your heart take over your mind in relationships so that you can read the signs of a controlling boyfriend and reevaluate your relationship.
There are all types of people in this world. When it comes to relationships, there are a few boyfriends who seem sweet and charming, but from the inside, they are possessive, dominating, and controlling. Oftentimes, they try to hide their flaws under the guise of caring, but beware because a dominating person is not always overtly aggressive. They usually put on a mask trying to manipulate you emotionally to do whatever they say. Hence, to save yourself from mental trauma, don't ignore the below-mentioned early signs of a controlling man.
1. He Decides Everything for You
Everyone has the liberty to eat what they want, wear what they wish, and do things their way. From the people you meet to your outfits, if he decides everything for you, it's time to have open communication about his behavior.
2. He Isolates You From Your Family And Friends
In a relationship, we must set our priorities right and give importance to our partner, but that should not be at the cost of your relationship with your family and friends. If your boyfriend doesn't like it when you spend time with family or friends, know that it's a walking red flag that you must be wary of.
3. He Plays the Victim Card Every Time
Fights are bound to happen in a relationship, but if your boyfriend always makes you feel guilty, even for their mistakes, it's a sign he doesn't respect you and is manipulative.
4. He Criticizes You Always
Couples should tell each other their flaws and motivate one another to do better. But criticizing someone for every little thing they do, especially publically, can be mentally draining. If you see this happening in your relationship, talk it out with your man.
5. He Is Overly Protective of You
A little jealousy seems okay in a relationship, but it can be scary for the other person when it goes overboard. Our contributor Laura Doyle says, “While it feels good to be with someone who is focused on protecting you, like walking with you at night so you're safe, overprotection feels bad because it feels like control, not love. For instance, if you want to travel alone and you've done that many times before, but your partner is not okay with it, you might feel they're being overbearing.”
If your partner feels possessive of you to the extent that you feel like you can't breathe in the relationship, know it's time to walk away.
6. He Is Snoopy
Being snoopy is considered a negative trait. If you notice your boyfriend checks your phone, listens to your calls, or goes through your stuff, know that it's time to assess the relationship again.
7. He Never Listens to You
Attentive listening is crucial in a relationship. When you listen properly, you get to know your partner's needs and emotions. Being with an inattentive partner can make you feel lonely and stressed. If he never listens to you, talk openly about this problem and try to sort it out. Even after that, if your boyfriend doesn't mend his way, it's time to back out.
8. They Always Doubt Your Capabilities
A loving couple always motivates each other to do better in life and accomplish their goals. When a guy always doubts his girlfriend's capabilities and skills, it means he doesn't have confidence in her. In situations like these, it's up to us if we want to make anyone come in our way of success or not. So, if your boyfriend always makes you doubt yourself, know he is not the one for you.
9. He Never Gives you Alone Time
A toxic relationship starts with an 'I, me, and myself’ attitude. One should never lose their individuality while being with someone. One of the subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend is that he'll never let you spend any time with yourself. He'll make sure that every plan of yours includes him, and if you don't do so, he'll make you feel guilty.
10. He Hurts You
One of the signs of a controlling boyfriend is that he will try to hurt you verbally. He'll make fun of you subtly or tell you how incompetent you are in everything.
11. He Will Keep Scores
A domineering person always keeps a count of what they did for whom. While healthy reciprocity feels nice in a relationship, keeping track of who did what for whom constantly can be emotionally draining. Moreover, if you are constantly reminded of their doings for you, it could signify your boyfriend is dominating.
12. His Love Is Conditional
Being in a relationship that comes with terms and conditions can wreak havoc on your mental health. In such a relationship you can constantly feel like you need to always put in extra effort to win over their love, which can lower your self-esteem. It's better to watch out for this sign before it's too late.
13. He Humiliates You
Healthy teasing is a part of relationships, but it should not go to the extent of hurting someone. One of the significant signs of a controlling boyfriend is that he'll mock you and make you feel ridiculed. You'll end up feeling confused and low.
14. He Controls You in Bed
If dominating nature creeps into the bedroom, know you are dating a guy who won't be by your side always. He might make faces or get angry when you refuse sex or force you into sending nudes. If that's the behavior you see in your man, it's time to think about the relationship again.
15. He Is a Male Chauvinist
Women these days are at par with men in every field. If your guy thinks he is superior to you or that women can't do anything in life and they are better off without work, it's a sign you are dealing with a toxic boyfriend.
16. He Forces You to Tell Everything
A couple should share everything with each other, but with a controlling person, you'll feel like every moment of your life is under scrutiny. They'll ask you every little detail of where you went, with whom you were, and what you did, regardless of your willingness to share.
17. They Never Lend a Helping Hand
There isn't much room for happiness in a relationship if your boyfriend doesn't help you out in anything. Moreover, one of the signs of a controlling boyfriend is that they will never support you but expect your encouragement in all situations.
18. They Go on a Guilt Trip
One of the signs of an emotionally controlling boyfriend is that they will always go on a guilt trip when you tell them about their mistakes. In fact, they'll make you feel guilty for letting them know they did something wrong.
19. They Don't Value Your Opinions
Every couple has differences in opinions, but that doesn't mean the relationship is toxic. A couple starts breaking apart when one person doesn't value the other and tries to impose their opinions on their special one. If your guy does the same and gets angry if you want to hold on to your beliefs, know it's time to walk away.
20. He Pressurizes You Into Doing Wrong Things
One of the major signs of an abusive boyfriend is that he'll force you to do things that you may not be comfortable with, such as lying, using substances, etc. When you say no, they'll become sad and make you feel like you have hurt them a lot. Dominating people thrive on making their partners weak. Beware of these abusive people because nothing good can come by being with them.
21. He Blackmails You
A controlling relationship feels suffocating and can haunt you for days, even months. This sign is highly crucial and must be taken seriously - if your partner emotionally blackmails you, know it's time to part ways with him.
22. He Doesn't Respect You
If your partner is disrespectful towards you and your privacy or boundaries, it could be a sign you are with a controlling boyfriend.
23. He Becomes Sad When You Stand Up for Yourself
This is a signature trait of emotionally controlling people - they will break down whenever you go into a refute mode and take a stand for yourself. Eventually, they'll try to make you feel bad by making a sad face. This is a classic trait of abusive relationships that should not be ignored.
24. You Need to Do Things His Way
This is a horrible thing to experience. Imagine you want to spend a vacation at your parent's house, but he wants to take a trip with you. In this situation, you are adamant you want to visit your parents, but he goes into a fight mode and says, 'It's either my way or your way; you have got to choose.' This will make you feel terrible, and because you are in love with him, it will be really difficult for you to choose. If cases like these keep arising in your relationship, know it's time to walk out.
25. He has Different Rules for You And Him
Whatever boundaries he has for you, if he himself doesn't take care of them, it means you are dealing with a domineering person. For example, he will ask you to spend all the weekends with him and feel bad if you decide to spend quality time with your friends. But he himself will hang out with others every now and then, even the ones you dislike. If you question him, he will make a big fuss and say you are a possessive girlfriend.
26. He Holds Grudges
Suppose you have made a mistake and apologized for it sincerely, thinking your boyfriend will forgive you and let it go. But if he keeps talking about the same mistake and waits for the perfect time to make you feel bad about it, know you are dealing with a toxic controlling boyfriend.
27. You Have No Idea About Your Future
Toxic people bring negativity into our life and drain us so badly that we feel crippled mentally. In a controlling relationship, you'll feel like everything revolves around him. He'll want you to make him your priority and leave your dreams and passions behind. He makes you believe he is the only one for you, and you'll be so engrossed in making him happy that you'll forget about your identity.
28. You Need to Seek His Permission
One of the signs of a controlling boyfriend is that he will need you to ask about everything. If he expects you to seek his permission for everything you do, like going out with friends, watching a series, or going on a trip, you might be dealing with a controlling boyfriend.
29. He Blames You for His Failures
This is the epitome of toxicity and manipulativeness. A controlling boyfriend will blame you for every wrong thing that happens to them. If their day didn't go well, or they had an argument with their boss, or they had to leave their job, everything terrible happening to them will be blamed on you.
30. He Feels Isolated All the Time
Even if you make time for him out of your busy schedule, he'll convince you that you make him feel lonely and give more importance to your career and family. He'll use crocodile tears to make you feel like a culprit. This is a sign you are in an unhealthy relationship.
A relationship becomes successful when there is mutual trust and understanding. Jealousy, possessiveness, manipulation, and lies can make your relationship crumble. More than that, it can take a toll on your mental health and make you lose belief in the power of love. If you have the slightest doubt about the health of your relationship, look for signs of a controlling boyfriend, and take a stand for yourself. Remember, being a happy single is better than being in an unhappy relationship.
Contributor: Laura Doyle, Relationship coach
ALSO READ: 10 Signs of a Control Freak to Identify Dominating Behavior
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