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15 Signs of a Controlling Woman You Should Never Ignore
Discover the 15 warning signs of a controlling woman and learn how to spot them early. Don't let her power play take over your life. Read on to know more.
No one wants to be in a controlling relationship. However, there are times when we are controlled by our loved ones, without us realizing it. It could be difficult to spot the signs of a controlling woman — especially if she's someone close to you.
She may exert dominance over your every move, dictating how you spend your time and making you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells. She can make you feel stressed, anxious, and alone.
It's important to recognize the characteristics of a controlling woman so that you can address the issue before it’s too late. You can either be assertive and take back control of your life or leave the relationship altogether.
If you truly value your independence and peace of mind, don't be afraid to act and reclaim control of your life. Keep reading to know more about the signs that show you are being controlled in a relationship.
1. She Needs to Keep Tabs on You at All Times
A controlling woman simply cannot go without constantly checking up on you, no matter the time of day or night - especially if you don't live together. Expect multiple text messages, and if you dare to ignore them, be prepared for a phone call or an unexpected visit.
2. She Will Insist that You Share Your Passwords with Her
She seeks access to your social media passwords and any other aspect of your life she deems necessary to have a say in. She is under the belief that keeping your passwords hidden signifies that you don't have trust in her or are attempting to conceal something. However, it's her lack of trust that compels her to monitor your online behavior and financial decisions to maintain control over your life.
3. She Constantly Goes Through your Belongings
Her curious mind never ceases to wonder about the moments you spend without her. She'll go to great lengths to gather intel, whether it's snooping on your phone or interrogating mutual acquaintances with pinpoint precision.
4. She Tries to Keep You Away from Your Family And Friends
Your controlling girlfriend may not agree with all the people in your social circle. She may even discourage you from spending time with your family, especially if she senses any distrust from them towards her. She will likely try to initiate plans with you on a day you already made plans with your loved ones or friends.
If you confront her about this, she may pretend to forget but make sure to remind you of the efforts she put into planning your joint activity. Be wary of not canceling your prior arrangements with others to please her.
5. She Wants Your Attention All the Time
Her constant demand for your time isn't born out of love but jealousy. She fears losing you to someone who may seem more appealing. Ironically, the more she insists on your presence, the more suffocated you feel. You want space, to breathe, and enjoy moments by yourself or with someone else.
According to Dr. Samar Hafeez Consultant Psychologist and a Certified Holistic Health and Wellness Coach, “Jealousy is a negative emotion that is sprung from your negative thoughts and insecurities about yourself and your relationship. If the root cause of jealousy is not understood and tackled quickly then it can be detrimental to the health of any relationship”
6. She’s Quick to Criticize You
This is one of the early signs your girlfriend is controlling you. You often bear the brunt of her sharp criticism, and even if she refrains from voicing it aloud, her poisonous thoughts and sentiments permeate the air around the two of you. Her disapproval and disdain radiate from her, even in the absence of direct criticism. Regardless of your efforts, you can never seem to satisfy her standards.
7. She Wants to Take Control of the Finances
Perhaps she believes, "My financial acumen is superior to that of my partner. Entrusting them with managing our money could result in homelessness and overwhelming debt." However, her reluctance to share control probably stems from a deep-seated fear of losing the stability and comfort that money provides.
8. She Wants to Be in Charge of Everything
This is one of the characteristics of a controlling woman. She’ll want to take the lead in the place where you both live. The location, amenities, and decor must meet her approval, without a doubt. If anything in your possessions does not align with her vision, then it simply must go. She'll remind you that you’re lucky to have such a diligent partner to make sure everything is picture-perfect.
Although, the real question here is if the living space really reflects both of you or only her. After all, a shared space should be an embodiment of the love you share and the individuality of you both.
9. She Uses Intimacy As a Reward for You to Fulfill Her Demands
One way she exerts control is by using sex as a reward. She may withhold physical affection until you comply with her demands or agree to her terms. Your interest in sex can become a tool for manipulation, with intimacy becoming a weapon rather than a means of closeness.
10. She Makes You Work to Receive Good Treatment
Her childhood taught her that love and kindness had to be earned since she had to work for the attention, smiles, and basic kindness of her parents. As a result, her partner must also make the same effort to receive good treatment. Thus, it is not a surprise that she is replicating the behavior she learned as a child.
11. She’s Constantly in an Argument with You
A controlling woman is always seeking conflict with you. To her, every disagreement is a battle that she must win, no matter how trivial the subject. As a result, the more peaceful-minded you become, the more ammunition she has to assert her control over the relationship.
12. She Always Considers Her Opinions to be Right
She clings to the belief that she is always right. The mere idea of considering a differing perspective terrifies her, as she cannot bear the thought of losing an argument. Her fear of being proven wrong outweighs any value she places on truly hearing another's point of view.
13. She Uses Threats to Have Her Way
Her default tactic to achieve her desires is to resort to threats and ultimatums. The truth is, it's likely that her manipulative behavior was learned from those around her who used the same methods to get their way with her. This strategy became ingrained in her psyche and became a habit.
14. She Uses Debt as a Form of Leverage to Gain What She Desires
She secures her position by using debt as leverage. She always attaches strings to anything she does for you or anyone else. Every intentional act she performs is designed to place you in her debt, which she then utilizes to manipulate you. If you object or hesitate, she will bring up the debt to guilt you into complying with her wishes.
15. She Becomes Envious Every Time You Do Something Without Her
Her insecurities would stir whenever you dare to indulge in something without her presence. The thought of being left behind triggers her fear that you may prefer to be alone than spend time with her. In her eyes, your desire for alone time translates to a rejection of her presence and hints at your waning interest in your relationship.
What Causes a Woman to Be Controlling?
Controlling behaviors in a relationship is never one-size-fits-all. There could be numerous reasons for a woman’s controlling tendencies, like projecting her insecurities on her partner or a desire to protect herself from potential harm. A controlling woman in a relationship may have developed these traits due to childhood experiences or from modeling behavior she witnessed in early life.
There is evidence to suggest that a need for control can provide a sense of stability in times of high anxiety or stress. This coping mechanism may be present in relationships where the woman struggles with trust issues. Additionally, problems like jealousy, lack of respect, and feelings of insecurity can all contribute to controlling behaviors.
How to Deal with a Controlling Woman?
Dr. Samar Hafeez says, “There are various reasons why someone stays in a controlling relationship. It could be due to poor self-esteem, low self-confidence, poor self-knowledge, insecurities, fear of loneliness and abandonment, pre existing mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder”
Dr. Samar Hafeez further says, “Continuous toxic stress within a relationship can spiral a person into the depths of depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses.” Hence, it’s best to acknowledge the relationship problems and solve them to prevent distress.
If you notice signs of a controlling woman in your relationship, there are certain things you can do to regain control of your life and maybe improve your relationship. Some examples are:
- Engage her in an open discussion about your relationship and where it's going.
- Put your foot down and make a list of activities you will no longer tolerate — and be forceful about it.
- Make couples counseling a requirement for your continuing involvement in the relationship.
- When she is engaged with other activities, remove your personal belongings from the living space.
- Find a support system by asking close friends and family for advice and comfort.
These strategies provide an overview of how you can progress in either healing your relationship or terminating it amicably (if feasible), making it beneficial for both of you.
Conclusion
It's common to overlook the tell-tale signs of a controlling woman when you're in love, but in the long run, it'll undoubtedly take a toll on your mental and emotional stability. As a result, it is critical to recognize the situation for what it is and to take the required precautions to protect yourself. Whether through calmly discussing the matter with your partner or seeking professional counseling, there are options available.
Yet, it's vital to acknowledge that ultimately, change must come from within the controlling woman. If she is unwilling to take responsibility and work towards progress, it may be best to reconsider the relationship altogether. Remember that being in a relationship that compromises your mental stability isn't worth your time and effort.
ALSO READ: 20 Subtle Signs of a Toxic Girlfriend to Be Wary of
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