JOIN OUR WHATSAPP CHANNEL
20 Signs of a Toxic Daughter-in-law You Need to Be Wary of
A toxic daughter-in-law is dominating, and tries to manipulate everything around her. Here are a few signs of an unloving daughter-in-law you should watch out for.
A kingdom doesn’t have two queens; that’s why there’s a common tug-of-war between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. While some households may have a dominating mother-in-law, other homes may have a toxic daughter-in-law. Rare and blessed are the families where both share a cordial relationship.
A daughter-in-law is a new member, unaware of the new family and its members, their natures, likes and dislikes, norms of the family, and related details. Thus, there can be differences, disagreements, and even arguments but they can be sorted unless your daughter-in-law is toxic.
Our contributor Chris Pleines, a dating expert from DatingScout, a dating site, says, “The introduction of a new daughter-in-law can shift family dynamics, leading to an adjustment period and potential conflicts over traditions and boundaries. For instance, a family might feel neglected when their son spends more holidays with his wife's family, introducing new customs unfamiliar to them.”
If you are having trouble with your daughter-in-law, here are some signs that’ll help you know if she is deliberately annoying or if it’s your misconception.
20 Signs You Have a Toxic Daughter-In-Law
The below-mentioned red flags will help you be conscious of the fact that your daughter-in-law is toxic and deal with her more diplomatically so that she doesn’t throw her toxicity toward anyone.
1. She Is Not Interested in Creating a Bond with the Family
Unless your daughter-in-law is interested in knowing your family, you can hardly help to make her a part of it. It is her choice to like or dislike someone but lack of interest in knowing the members, is a deliberate attempt to not mingle with them. Your family members may not like this attitude at all — especially because when she is just new to the family, there isn’t any grudge from the past that may compel her to behave like that.
2. She Is Bothered About Herself Only
Giving priority to oneself is a sign of a strong woman but if attention to oneself harms others then you cannot call it prioritizing oneself. It is selfishness and it’s a sign of a toxic daughter-in-law. A daughter-in-law is a nurturer; she takes care of the family and she is well aware of her role and responsibility. Her attention towards herself starts hurting others is undesirable and if she chose to do nothing about it then she is purposefully behaving like that. That’s toxicity and you must remember this trait – selfishness, to distinguish between a self-caring daughter-in-law and a selfish daughter-in-law.
3. She Is Insensitive
Our contributor Chris Pleines shares, “When a daughter-in-law enters a family, her interactions might hint at perceived insensitivity, such as neglecting events or becoming defensive. However, these actions could stem from misunderstandings or adjusting to new dynamics.” You cannot expect your daughter-in-law to reciprocate every emotion, feel all your sorrows, and be grief-stricken when you are sad.
However, she can be empathetic or at least sensitive and respond similarly. It’s a common and basic human attribute. Sadly, a toxic daughter-in-law wouldn’t be so and this really hurts. Insensitive people lack affection; they often make demeaning comments regarding others, engage in constant criticism, disrespect boundaries, humiliate others, and taunt and bully others. They are super confident about themselves and disregard everyone else, hurting them in the process without any trace of guilt.
4. She Is Unpredictable
Surprises are amazing and it feels great to surprise your loved ones. However, unpredictability in human beings can often be stressful. If your daughter-in-law’s behavior is erratic, and she continues with it despite knowing it’s hurting others — it’s a sign she is toxic.
5. She Has a Controlling Nature
As a daughter-in-law, she can make decisions for the household. However, that sense of power must be balanced with responsibilities. A controlling daughter-in-law tries to misuse her power and dominate everyone in the house. If your daughter-in-law overrides your suggestions or doesn’t heed them and only does what she is right even if that doesn’t turn out to be good then she is controlling everything for the sake of controlling.
6. She Is Dominating
Don’t get confused between a controlling and dominating attitude; those may sound and seem like the same but aren’t so. Controlling is having control over something or any situation whereas dominating is suppressing someone or a group’s thought, decision, perspective, ideas, and even rights by authority and power. Interestingly, controlling is a part of dominating and not vice-versa. A daughter-in-law with respect for the elders and love for the family members would respect their opinions and choices unless she has a toxic nature.
7. She Is Disrespectful Towards You And Others
Being unkind and disrespectful is the last thing you can expect from an adult. However, if she is being rude, disregarding elders’ presence then that’s being bluntly disrespectful. Moreover, being disrespectful without any concrete reason may mean she wasn’t ready for the marriage or for staying with in-laws. Hence, she might be trying to make the elders feel bad and spoil the mood of the house. It’s harmful behavior and a sign of a toxic daughter-in-law. Know it to avoid being affected by her toxicity.
8. She Blames You for Everything That Goes Wrong
Toxic daughters-in-law try to make others feel embarrassed, at fault, and guilty for every possible thing. She would try to magnify a fault beyond measure and tell how badly everyone in the family is suffering because of you. Such blames can seriously affect your morale, mood and she knows it; that’s what she wants. Such behavior may stem from insecurity and a desperate need for attention. You may try to have an open discussion about it but if she doesn’t want to talk about it then leave it for the time being.
9. She Is Rude
It’s weird when people behave rudely with you and you don’t even know why. Hatred without any reason can be really disturbing, drain your energy emotionally and make you sad. That’s a toxic behavior; it doesn’t just affect you but the family as well. If you find such a trait in your daughter-in-law then you must be alerted. It could be difficult to deal with such a person but a toxic daughter-in-law may make life worse for you. Ideally, you must avoid her and draw healthy boundaries and be assertive about it.
10. She Is Extremely Moody
Mood swings caused by hormonal changes are quite common in women but it’s not the same as being moody. That’s not an excuse for consistently misbehaving with people around, disturbing the peace of the house, and spoiling things. If you see your daughter-in-law doing these then it is a toxic daughter-in-law alert! Often when you want to confront an irrational and extremely moody person they tend to charge you with things you have no clue about. Sadly, you don’t have much to do in that case but if she ever tries to talk to you about it then do help her out.
11. She Involves Your Son in Insignificant Matters
There is a common prejudice that a mother-in-law would be evil and very dominating. This could be due to social conditioning or past experience of their mothers. So a daughter-in-law builds a defense mechanism based on prejudice, and discusses tiny little issues with her husband, to keep him in the loop about anything that can become a major issue. However, that creates an unhealthy situation, makes things tense between you and your son, or may make things stressful for him. It is a toxic behavior and it’s sad that your daughter-in-law exhibits such a trait.
12. She Plays the Emotional Card
As your daughter-in-law moves from her parent’s home to yours, she may miss her parents and can be sad but this can’t be a reason for misbehaving. If your daughter-in-law is not cooperating, criticizing, or talking bad about the family outside then that is something to worry about. Or if she picks up a fight and then cries accusing you of cornering her then she is trying to get sympathy and get away even after doing wrong. This is definitely toxicity and she is cleverly being toxic to you and the family as a whole.
13. She Manipulates Things Very Often
A manipulative person uses different tactics to get what they want irrespective of the situation. In most cases, their wishes are unjust and deprive others of their due but they still have things their way. This is why manipulation is a toxic practice. Often people in a new environment try to manipulate people according to their convenience. If a daughter-in-law is toxic, she may try manipulating others to make things easier for her but that’s not fair and can be toxic in the long run.
14. She Spreads Negative Words About You on Social Media
Reputation over the virtual medium does affect the real world because the information from social media strongly influences our lives. What’s discussed over social media becomes a part and reality of our regular lives too. Often a toxic daughter-in-law uses this as a weapon against her in-laws to gather support from relatives and other people making you or the family a villain in her story. This is a very harmful trait because of the far and quick reach of social media. It may damage your reputation in a short time unless people close to you choose to verify.
15. She Is Ungrateful
When you are in a family you may do things for the members out of love or duty and without any expectations. However, if they are ungrateful for it then it may disappoint you. A daughter-in-law who is toxic will never appreciate the good things that her in-laws do for her – she will be ungrateful and not appreciate the efforts her family members make to keep her happy.
16. She Doesn't Allow You to Spend Time with Your Son And Grandchildren
A daughter-in-law who wants to take everything away from you and cause unhappiness in your life will try to restrict the time you spend with your son and grandchildren. She will show her animosity towards you by making different excuses and keeping the kids away from you. If you notice these signs in her, know that she has no regard for your feelings and is toxic.
17. She Doesn't Call Or Text You
Families are meant to be together, and even if you live separately, you can always show your love and support by calling or texting your loved ones. However, things are quite different with a toxic daughter-in-law - that's because she will never call or text you, and never ask about your well-being. If she does that and has no reason behind it, it's a clear sign she is toxic.
18. She Isn't Bothered About Your Milestones
Whether it's your birthday, or anniversary - a daughter-in-law who doesn't respect you will not wish you. She will deliberately choose to ignore these special dates, and not give you a call, meet you in person, or send you a gift. If you spot such behavior in your daughter-in-law, know that she's toxic.
19. She Behaves Sweetly in Front of Others
A manipulative woman always wears a mask to show a different side of herself in front of others. If your daughter-in-law passes rude remarks when you two are together alone but behaves sweetly with you in front of others - it's a clear sign she is toxic but doesn't want her spouse to see that side of hers.
20. She Makes Constant Excuses Not to See You
People wish to be close to their family members around holidays and festivals. Birthdays, anniversaries, and festivals are the time to meet our beloved family members and have fun with them. But, a toxic daughter-in-law will make sure that you don't get to spend quality time with your son. She'll be ready with excuses so that you don't get to spend time with your family and hurt you.
Conclusion
Family ties and the relationship between the members at an individual level is a mutual responsibility. As your son marries, your daughter-in-law becomes a new member of the family. It is thus your responsibility to make her feel comfortable and familiarized with the clan. However, beyond that, it is her responsibility to reciprocate the affection. If she is still not comfortable then you may look for any of these toxic daughter-in-law signs in her. If you find some or many of these traits in her then it is sad but you can deal with things and the situation more wisely.
Contributor: Chris Pleines, Dating expert - Datingscout
ALSO READ: 96 Toxic Relationship Quotes That Illuminate the Dark Side
FAQs
