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Why Do Married Men Cheat? 20 Biggest Reasons for Infidelity
It takes just one message to break years of trust in a marriage, yet why do married men cheat? Find answers to make a decision for your relationship.
Two people, deeply in love, promise to remain together in sickness and health. The man married the woman of his dreams and they walked into the sunset holding hands. He may have visualized their future with her, a honeymoon, a nice house, kids, and a life full of love and fulfillment! Then ”Why do married men cheat?” Cheating is a morally offensive act that rips the marriage apart. And, contrary to popular belief, cheating is not just the physical act of being close to someone. An emotional bond with someone outside of the marriage or committed relationship may also be understood as cheating.
Now, infidelity in marriage is not restricted to gender; reasons for cheating on one’s spouse may be different for men and women. While sexual desire, intimacy issues, and lack of appreciation are the root causes behind most extramarital affairs, it is important to know that every individual and relationship dynamic is unique, and there may be many things under the surface that may not be apparent from an outside point of view. To help you contemplate this better, we have listed some potential reasons why married men resort to infidelity and why some men still wish to stay married even after committing adultery.
20 Reasons Why Happily Married Men Cheat
1. A Mistake:
Let's start by giving men the benefit of the doubt. Mistakes do happen, but they are no excuse to get away with cheating. They could have been drunk and made a mistake. But there is no reason to justify their behavior. Drinking, social situations, the need for emotional connection, etc. are common excuses or (even worse) justifications used by many cheaters to cover the fact that they find infidelity exciting, especially when they don’t want to give you a straightforward answer.
2. An Encounter With an Ex:
If there are relationship issues in a marriage, the chances of an ex causing tension are high. In such situations, the encounter with an ex can be a common reason behind the husband cheating. Men could go ahead with this extramarital affair for sexual desire or emotional connection. Ideally, men who are happy with their committed partners would not entertain an ex and try to save their marriage from such temptation.
3. Expecting Perfection:
In the pursuit of a perfect life (which is often unreasonable), some men end up having unrealistic expectations from their long-term partners. They may seek an unwaveringly perfect physical appearance, a huge bank balance, and a passionate sexual relationship that works as per their mood and preference, without the downsides of responsibility, disagreements, emotional vulnerability, etc. In simple terms, they don’t wish to have a relationship with a human but with a “pleasure-providing tool”. Hence, when such men are “inevitably” dissatisfied with their spouse, they turn to cheating for solace!
4. Emotional Disconnect:
Like women, men need a deep emotional connection with their partners which could be lost somewhere during the daily stress of life. Sometimes, the association is never made, and both partners have a superficial life. Other times the loss of emotional connection could be due to a significant life episode like the loss of a child. In both cases, men often find another partner with whom they can have an “emotional affair”.
5. Get Back at Their Partner:
A marriage often stands on rocky grounds if one partner hurts the other, emotionally or physically. The husband could be a victim of physical abuse or could have been emotionally damaged by the wife's words. In either case, men resort to cheating as it is the ideal way to seek revenge on their partner. In other words, seeking revenge is one of the answers to the question, “Why do married men cheat?”
6. Too Self-involved:
Some men have the classic traits of being too self-involved. They think their sleeves are too superior, and others' emotions have no value in their eyes. Their approach may involve a lack of respect for their partner. Such men are prone to cheating and don't believe in explaining their actions.
7. Needs Not Met:
Some men may experience a lack of passion or perhaps even a lack of connection in their marital relationship, which they are often afraid to openly address due to numerous reasons. However, when the needs become too strong, chances are high for such men to turn to infidelity. Regardless of what some people believe, there are better alternatives to infidelity that help reignite passion and enhance emotional bonding. These include quality time, seeking help from a couple’s therapist, planning fun activities together, etc.
8. Means to Move Away:
When men willingly want to end a marriage, they often use cheating as a leverage. Cheating helps married men move over their partners emotionally and physically. They could be bored in their marriage or wish not to be with them anymore.
9. Open Relationships:
A marriage is a sacred institution that harmonizes two people. They should intend to live life together and work towards creating an safe space, emotionally, physically, and financially. However, today, people who desire to have an open marriage but are unable to communicate the same continue fulfilling their polygamous desires through infidelity.
10. Exploring Self:
The "it's not you, it's me" statement best suits this reason. Men sometimes take time to understand their needs and wish to explore outside of marriage. Even though this is not a legitimate reason to cheat, it does happen if the topic of your latest brunch outing is “why do married men cheat?” never rule this answer out.
11. Relationship Insecurities:
Marriage is often the union of two souls, but materialistic interventions can ruin it. One partner has more money than the other. Or the wife could look much prettier than the husband. All these worldly issues can create a lack of appreciation for one’s partner, thereby pushing men towards cheating. Men try to get rid of their insecurities by being with someone they can overshadow.
12. Do Not Believe in Commitment:
Yes, you read that right. Married men could also have commitment issues and often become the role model for the answer to the question, “Why do married men cheat?”. A man could have gotten married due to parental pressure, infatuation, or perhaps some other ulterior motive. However, cheating is like second nature if they have infinity as a virtue. Such men never believe in commitment and will cheat the finest of women.
13. Hypersexuality:
Hypersexuality or sex addiction is a common reason for several men to cheat on their long-term partners. Such men have an insatiable desire for sex and do not mind cheating on their spouse in order to have multiple sex partners outside the marriage. Their desire to fulfill their sexual satisfaction overpowers logical thinking. Other addictions like drugs and alcohol often trigger this addiction.
14. Adrenalin Rush:
Men thrive on excitement; and many men like the adrenaline rush that comes with cheating on their partners. They often enjoy the risk factor in physical infidelity if their married partner is unwilling to try those things. While they do not connect emotionally to their new companion, it still counts as cheating, as it can damage the foundation of trust in a marriage.
15. Peer Influence:
A person's true nature is best judged by friends. The kind of people you hang out with impacts your mental makeup. You can often understand why married men cheat by looking at the man’s friend circle. When married men are friends with others who cheat, they, too, find the act unquestionable. It is usual for them, and they are inclined to try it out.
16. Pregnancy Or Newborns:
Pregnancy is the one time a woman needs her spouse the most. Women are emotionally vulnerable during this period, for obvious reasons. They are also physically vulnerable and unable to do most activities they would otherwise do with their partner. But for men, women do not fulfill their needs during this time. Hence men often withdraw from their wives and look to other places for physical and emotional intimacy.
17. The Urge to Fight the “No”:
Children often have an inbuilt urge to do things they are told not to. A few men also run with the same thought process. They cheat just because they should not. Even though it sounds ridiculous, these men do not have the power to understand wrong from right.
18. Excuse for Lack of Maturity:
Maturity comes with the understanding that fights are common in marriage and working in a term is more powerful than one. Married men who lack maturity of mind often resort to cheating rather than sitting with their parents and solving problems.
19. Ego Pampering:
A man could have an inflated ego, and his attitude itself answers the question, “Why do married men cheat?”. When a married man does not get the verbal or nonverbal cue that their partner is satisfied in bed, they may cheat. In these cases, cheating is a way to satisfy their ego and reassure themselves that they can still please a partner and that the fault is not theirs.
20. Financial Necessity:
The man in the marriage may try and keep things clean, but the boss at work desires more than weekly reports. Even though workplace cheating is still wrong, men sometimes do it to keep the paycheck in place and their families running. Such men should discuss the issue with their spouses and try to move out of the job.
If you are a married man considering cheating, think carefully about the consequences. Cheating can have a devastating impact on your marriage, your children, and your self-esteem. It can cause attachment trauma, betrayal trauma, and trust issues in your spouse or children and wreak havoc on a formerly healthy relationship. There are better ways to deal with the challenges in your life. Talk to your spouse, or seek professional help. You can also try talking to trusted friends to feel content in life.
Why do Married Men Cheat Yet Stay with Their Spouse?
Cheating in a relationship is wrong, but some men can brush the episode off and come home smiling to their wives. The normal expectation is that when a man cheats, he will not want to live with his wife anymore. But many men who cheat often continue their marriage and do not want to separate. Any of the reasons below could answer the why behind this issue.
1. Balanced Life:
Men living in the fast lane have much to deal with daily. They have a stressful work life and may even cheat on their parents to relieve stress. But these men like to come home to the one thing that never changes; their partner. The calmness of their home keeps them charged for the next day.
2. Societal Pressure:
Cheating is never applauded in any society. A marriage is always considered sacred, and cheating partners are treated with disgust and dishonor. Their family, friends, and colleagues often look down upon them. These cheating men fear social boycotts, so they stay married and maintain the facade.
3. Cannot Hurt Their Partner:
Why do married men cheat yet cannot see a tear in their wife’s eyes? A man may cheat as a result of an emotional outburst or unresolved issues and may regret it later. Some other men may cheat for fun but are still emphathetic and concerned about their spouses. Such men often decide to stay in the marriage and not tell their wives about their infidelity. However, if a man remains in the marriage and continues cheating, they are abusing the institution of marriage.
4. Divorce Is Tough:
Divorce is a cruel term, and some men do not like it. While they cannot control their desire to cheat, they want to stay married to their spouse. Hence these men often ask for forgiveness and ensure they do not have to sign the divorce papers no matter what.
5. Financial Dependency:
A man could be financially dependent on his wife. This is true in the case of people with disabilities or rehabilitation. Even though cheating is wrong, they do not want to separate from their spouse as they will have no money to live alone.
6. Fear of Being Alone:
Men cheat to feel needed and rarely to start another long-term relationship. It means that cheating is more physical than emotional, and the person on the other side may also have a similar opinion. Men decide to stay married because they fear loneliness, and there is no guarantee that the cheating partner will stay on permanently.
7. Child's Welfare:
A cheating man may also have children, which often worsens things. Even though they may get caught, cheating men hold onto their marriage for the sake of their children. They put up a facade that does not let their child's study or life get disturbed by their actions.
8. Wealth And Reputation:
A wealthy man cheats on the backing of his money. They often live with the idea that they can stop everyone with money. Some women also decide to stay married to a cheating partner as their financial needs are being met.
9. Slyness:
A sly person often thinks they can get away with crime. Sneaky men often consider their spouses to be too gullible and never tell them about their affairs. They think they can get away with it and decide to stay married.
10. It Is Not a Crime:
“Is it illegal to cheat when married?” Adultery is not a crime under the law, and married men use it to their advantage. Men stay in their marriage despite cheating as they know the worst consequence could only be a divorce. No law can declare them a criminal, so they take things casually.
11. Divorce Is Expensive:
Cheating in a marriage leads to a divorce if the other partner does not want to live under the same roof. But a divorce often takes away a large sum of one’s money, leaving them high and dry. Men who cheat do not wish to break their marriage as they cannot afford to pay the settlement amount.
12. Hope to Change One Day:
“Why do married men cheat and ask for forgiveness? Some men who cheat or are in the habit of cheating often think they can break the cycle. They wish to continue their married status and may even if they find infidelity exciting. Fortunately, not many are successful in this endeavor.
13. Liking the Double Life:
Leading one kind of life is too monotonous for some men. They prefer the thrill of life and want to stay in control. They live double lives and take pride in maintaining a running household and side hustle.
14. Guilt:
Cheating may sound like a mistake to a man's ear but is often bigger than that for their partner. Some men stay in a marriage because they are guilt-ridden and wish to compensate for their mistakes. While no one can undo the past, their method of repenting is to ensure they do their spouses' bidding and never cheat again.
15. Passing Time:
A man may decide to stay on in the marriage even after cheating as he is looking for the right time to exit. A man in an abusive marriage may want to exit only after sorting things out for himself. In another scenario, a cheating husband could be talking to lawyers about finding the least expensive way to divorce his wife, hence staying in the marriage.
Why do married men cheat? This is not an easy question to answer. While there is a list of reasons for this, as mentioned above, every man has a different one for their act. Not all men are bad, but because many of them have been identified as heart and home-breakers, all get the same tag. Most married men who cheat do not do it with the intention of ending their marriage. This aspect is another reason why they either hide it from their wives or seek forgiveness. A man could also choose to stay in the marriage for his children and money. In every scenario, cheating is an unjustified act and disturbs the foundation of marriage.
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